I’ve delayed and procrastinated making this post for the better part of my adult life. Fear looms large in my life, in fact, even right now it has me second-guessing my current actions. It’s an ever-present adversary with many shapes and forms, yet are all in similar in one crucial way. They only vanish when confronted.
I’ve been here before… making a “first post” on the first blank page of my very first journal back on Feb 1, 2018. I remember doubting myself then in thinking this would be yet another failed experiment doomed to fail in a matter of days. Now 951 days later I’m still at it and now more than ever. If this effort goes even half as well as that one then I’ll be well on my way.
So, today, I intend to confront the fear that I’ve had for my entire adult life.
I have shied away from having a public profile in favor of my own privacy. There are many reasons for this, one being so that I can properly educate myself, but at this point in my life there is only one thing holding me back here and ultimately that is the fear of rejection.
Some other thoughts that run through my head when I consider doing this:
- Why would anyone care about what I have to say about anything?
- People are going to find out you don’t know anything and are a fraud.
- You are going to embarrass yourself with what you say.
- You’re awkward and people will find you weird.
- You are just self-promoting, where is your humility?
- In the end, you’ll be ignored and, in turn, crushed.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg, but you get the idea. I find comfort in the fact that many have been in this position before and have succeeded. Their success inspires and motivates me. I also honestly do believe that I have it in me to be successful here – in fact, I believe that I could thrive and flourish here in time.
The truth is I’m no intellectual slouch and writing is my preferred communication channel. While music is my favorite mistress, I must confess I have a longstanding and constant love affair with words. I think I could do well here if I can find my groove.
So let’s get on with it already.
Intention is important so let’s set some guidelines and ground rules. Truth be told, some of my reservations about starting here come from the fact that I can do -or- write just about anything here. Classic decision paralysis which gets me every time. I have to find a way to overcome that.
Trying to narrow things down a core set of themes should do the trick. To that end, I am going to make that my next post where I explore some core themes and my thoughts around them. That seems like an ideal next step and will provide a proper launching off point for future posts.
So about that intention… things I will try to do:
- Write regularly to build a habit, call it once a week in an informal manner like this at a minimum.
- Be an optimist – My intuition is quite cynical, but I choose to be an optimist.
- Stay focused on some core themes and not talk about anything I am not qualified to have an opinion on.
- I will self promote and get over my awkwardness in doing so – I’m honestly dreading this.
- No political talk – gross, no.
We may as well include some predictions and start painting a picture of the future. After all, if you can’t dream it then it certainly can’t be done.
Things I should probably do:
- Find people that I can talk my ideas out with.
- Get an editor who can help make sure I don’t sound or look like an idiot. I know just the person actually.
- Time myself and force output to help get over my perfectionism.
- Create longer form formal articles and see if anyone would be interested in publishing them around the web.
- Dedicate a specific block of time to write each day and/or week
Perhaps today, an honestly typical Tuesday will go down as momentous day when I reflect back on my life many years down the line. It’s definitely happened before. I started my daily journaling have a few years back on a random day with no real specific genesis for the action.
Like now, it felt like an accumulation of small nudges forward over time. Slowly but surely you get to the point where a breakthrough is reached, but is done so in the most unceremonious of ways where one doesn’t even know the breakthrough has been had. It’s only in the following days when you realize that something’s changed and changed forever.
I hope today is one of those today. No, today will be one of those days, why leave it to chance. It’s time to go.